It was half past 9 and Robin was going to be on time for work for the first time in months. It felt strange for him to not have a headache or to be dehydrated and for once he knew where his keys, wallet and phone were. He stretched and walked over to his advent ICalendar and waved his palm across it to open number 21. It was a picture of Santa using the new apple micro-pod. Robin looked down to the vending point to see what Xmas gift Apple had given him today. 2 valium. He popped one into his mouth and put the spare on his bedside for later. He headed downstairs when his doorbell rang and made him jump.
He hadn’t heard the doorbell ring in ages. Who knocked round people’s houses anymore when you could just Skype? Suddenly it clicked. It was his breakfast being dropped off. Normally of course he wouldn’t have woken up for another hour or so and would have to collect his food from the doorstep but today he got to answer the door and sign for his bacon sandwich and cup of tea. He settled down in his chair and read the front page of The Sun which had come with his breakfast. The headline was about the winner of the latest series of I’m A Celebrity. Apparently Lady GaGa had won it with Gary Barlow a close second. Robin chuckled to himself. He didn’t follow reality programs which was ironic as he worked for one of the biggest ones on telly. He would watch I’m a celeb if they actually had any celebrities on it rather than washed up pop stars and other reality contestants. Plus Ant and Dec were getting on a bit and were beginning to resemble Brucie in his final days god bless his soul. Robin never usually read the newspapers as he was very happy with his life and didn’t need to be cheered up. After finding out that bad news in the press had lead to the country becoming depressed the Conservative third of the Trebolition had issued a law stating that the papers could only report happy and fun news. They had actually found out that the suicide rate had decreased after this. It also meant that the Trebolition was able to stay in power for many more years than they were meant to as no-one could report on any opposing parties or on what day elections were supposed to be.
After finishing his tea Robin headed outside and began to walk towards the train station. It was a big day for him and he was glad that the strikes had prevented him from getting drunk last night. A clear head was exactly what the doctor had ordered for the Christmas special he was currently producing. He passed by the familiar shops. Argos
He arrived the first strip of bars before the train station and was met with the picket line. Hundreds of bar maids and landlords waving their placards around and chanting. ‘Decent wage for a decent pint!’ ‘Time at the bar for England Alka-Seltza street Britain
Robin got on his train and removed his headphones. Several other people did the same as the voiceover of the train began to speak. ‘Harry Potter and the reckless IPod, chapter 4.’ Robin had been getting really into JK Rowling’s new Harry Potter books. Especially after the Labour third of the Trebolition had introduce live audio book readings on the daily commute. It was an ingenious idea to get the country literate again even with the ad breaks every 5 minutes. Just then his phone went off and he got the usual looks of envy from the other passengers when they realised he could afford the ‘Underground’ package on his new Blackberry meaning he could receive calls on the tube. It was Megan from work who must have got in extraordinary early to be ringing him at this time. She wanted to email him a copy of his intinerary for the days show to make sure he was up to speed. Robin sighed. He hated how Megan thought she had to remind him how to do his job. He had been running the Christmas special for 3 years now and the ratings had got higher each time. He told Megan to send him the email and once she hung up text her telling her she was fired and could go join the other 10 million people on the job line.
Robin was one of the highest producers on the Titus Dawkins show. Titus had been a key instigator in the 2013 riots. He had personally stabbed 3 policemen, torched a Dixons and killed a young girl before being arrested. Whilst in prison Titus had released 3 albums, written two books and also video blogged on his FaceBook on a daily basis. After serving 10 months of his sentence he was released and was promptly signed up for his own TV show. The show had been a rating hit from the start; overtaking Jeremy Kyle after only 2 weeks. Robin had started off as a researcher on the TD show but had risen through the ranks to producer after having some of the cutting edge ideas which had kept TDS ahead of its rivals. It was Robin who had the idea of bringing on a celebrity judge each week to try and help the participants with advice. He had actually been the producer on the infamous show where former rapper and born again Christian Dappy from the internationally famous band N-Dubz had shot a woman in the shoulder live on air after she said she was carrying his child. Dappy was now the lead judge on the American version of the Apprentice and still tweeted Robin occasionally. Robin had also had the idea to make an Xmas special about the things people wanted to hear about rather than have Titus visit kids in hospital and then wheel Noel Edmonds out like every other show did. He looked at the itinerary of todays recording. Item One: My father raped me every Christmas for 5 years. Item Two: The 2015 Essex Christmas Massacre revisited. Item Three: Titus interviews Joseph Fritzel in prison to help promote his new book. Item Four: Titus has managed to reform Coldplay who perform live on the show dressed as elves. Robin shuddered. He hated it when bands reform just because they had run out of money or hat a greatest hits album to plug.
It was a good show thought Robin. Same format as every year but the public never seem to remember. He looked at his watch. 11 o’clock. He was still going to be incredibly early. He really liked the Liberal third of the Trebolitions idea of having the working day start at 12 so people could finish at 8, go straight to the pub and not have to get up too early the next day. He opened a piece of chocolate he had in his pocket and again received looks of envy from his fellow passengers. After research had discovered that chocolate was one of the main causes of cancer its price had risen through the roof and owning some was now akin to driving a Porsche or having a 10 inch cock. Robin decided he was going to have a swift drink before work. He knew a place that would be open regardless of the strikes. He updated his Facebook status, checked his email, wrote on his blog, Tweeted some colleagues and texted his mum before crossing the picket line to the cries of scab from a small group of Australian bar men before settling down to enjoy a quick pint before the hard day began. He smiled contently to himself. Life was good.
